I need help with my story?

The only thing I would change is to start the page off with "She" or "Aeris" rather than "The in." It becomes clear pretty quick that she is an in, so it feels like overkill to tell that to the audience straight out, right off the hop. I've always been told that in writing, you want to SHOW the audience who and what a character is, rather than TELLING them. Show it by the character's movements, words, and actions, and by others' reactions to him/her. In this case, I'd probably favour "She" for the opening, even though it sounds a bit clumsy maybe, just because it's more engaging, more elusive. The reader doesn't know yet who "She" is, so they have to read on to find out. Telling them right away that "She" is an assin takes some of the mystery/drama away, I think. Other than that, this is pretty good writing! And it sounds like an interesting story! Keep up the good work!